To Marry or Not To Marry...

On CBC News there was a video discussion entitled "Whither Marriage" about the declining rates of marriage in Canada and who is to blame for the changing demographic. Barbara Kay was one of the members of the discussion and all I have to say is: Who does she think she is to blame single women for the demographic changes in Canada?! If she's a mother, like she claims to be, then she helped raise the "new generation" of women who aren't marrying and procreating at the age of 20. She [Barbara Kay] said it herself! Her daughter is middle-aged and trying to have children - deflecting the blame from herself for raising her child to want to enjoy life before "settling down"? I think so!

So why is there a sudden change in demographics? Who encouraged women to be independent and take time for themselves before (potentially) settling down and raising a family? I'd say its the same generation that Barbara is from and that are now realizing their so-called 'mistake' and trying to dig themselves out of the 'problem' that they created. Her ideas are archaic and very much old-fashioned. They are no longer the social norm for many reasons. Times are changing, and with that, the roles of women are rapidly evolving from the idea that women's only job is to be in the kitchen and raise a family. Although there is no title of "Family Woman" yet (because women are still associated with being primary caregivers), like there is a "Family Man", many women are choosing not to stay at home, but to continue with their careers and are changing society's ideas regarding gender roles.

Another possible reason for women having families later in life is not that they are being selfish and out partying through their 20's, but to get an adequate education, it takes much longer than it used to with many women choosing to gain a higher education. And a better education means a better chance of supporting oneself.

In her argument, Ms. Kay pointed out that Canada's demographics are changing. In Canada, yes, there are fewer marriages, but we still have common-law relationships, homosexual unions, and yes...children from unwed families. Maybe, Barbara Kay has forgotten - but you don't need to be married to reproduce. Although these relations are not categorized as "Marriage", they still add to our population. As well, our demographics are not suffering...our population is in no danger of 'dying out'. We simply maintain our population through immigration. And what is wrong with that? Nothing. To many people, Canada is an 'escape' - away from possible war, civil unrest, unemployment, persecution or other poor social conditions. I am proud to think that we are helping people from other countries, rather than adding to the major problem of overpopulation in the world. On the flip side, I do understand that we have what is known as an "Aging Population", but what are we going to do? Confine women to kitchens, make laws forcing women to procreate? This is a woman's personal choice - encourage women, but don't blame them and guilt them into having children.

It was stated that women who choose not to marry and have children are selfish. One question I'd like to ask her is when she was 20, was she really thinking about having children to "save the world"? I don't think so. I also don't think she thought that making sacrifices was "happiness".

I give kudos to those women who stay strong to themselves and live their lives the way they want to. Isn't that what women have been fighting for for years? To be free of oppression and gender stereotypes? Are we really willing to go back to being oppressed after all these years of fighting for choice and independence?

Her last point, that women should be supported financially by men...honestly, I don't even know where to begin with that comment.

Of course, my view is not completly unbiased as I consider myself independent and strong-willed (although not single at the moment - I am not even close to considering marriage) and belong to this generation of women. Maybe it is selfish to want a career, and to travel and enjoy life, but I'm not going to enslave myself to an unfit marriage to change the demographics of Canada and add to an already overpopulated world.

Instead of blaming single/childless women, promote choice and the ability to have a healthy balance between children, family, careers and education (et cetera).